I’m giving myself the tsk tsk, you know, like when someone judgy looks at you, shaking their head to show you that you did something wrong. Yep, I’m giving myself that.

Why? What did I do that’s so wrong?

I’m sharing this because it might help someone else. I’ve carried this burden long enough, and I think many of us have, too.

I’ve been living like a child. Yep, that’s right. I’m a grown, middle-aged woman, but I have been thinking and acting like my child self.

Wait? What? How’s that, you ask?

Well, look at my life. Am I happy? Not completely. Am I content? Hell, no! Am I satisfied with where my life is right now? No.

But how could that be? I adore my wonderful, loving, faithful husband. We are healthy, can walk well, and have a positive outlook on life. We have a single-family home. And those I love seem to be healthy and doing well.

So, what do I have to squawk about?

That’s where the tsk tsk comes in. I have been acting like my child self, working on the old programs I learned as a child. As a result, my life has become stuck in a loop of excuses, blaming low-importance tasks for why I’m not where I desire to be. After helping myself overcome the past by reading books, watching YouTube videos with personal development gurus, and doing lots of self-reflection, I now understand why that is.

We have to move on and do something to change.

Hey, change is hard! It takes focus and motivation, which are traits of a person who loves themselves. They don’t need approval or validation. Who they are is enough.

When we handle life through the lens of a child, we don’t know how to love ourselves and look to others for approval and worthiness.

Children want to please their parents innately. However, most of today’s children don’t get the attention they require to establish a bond with a parent. Look around. Do you see many parents interacting with their children? Many seem to be too busy on their screens.

I feel so sorry for the children today. Really, I do. Without adequate love and attention as children, adults won’t feel whole.  Without the proper coping mechanisms to deal with emotions, we can feel lost, and a lot of us look to the screens in front of us for distraction. Not all screen interactions are detrimental; we can find tons of good things that can enrich our lives online.

But back to me and my childlike ways.

Kids can have irrational fears—there’s a monster under my bed! If a parent or caretaker doesn’t explain that those fears are not real and that they can’t be hurt, how does the child know any better?

That was me. Full of anxiety and fears. And there was no one to tell me any different. The coping mechanism I had, where I did what I was told to avoid punishment, protected me.

I realized I was still doing that as an adult.

Yesterday, I went for a walk. It was a beautiful fall day. I was singing as I love to do with the music in my ears. I wasn’t singing loud, and I sang in key. I thought – and this is such a childish way of thinking – that I was bothering people doing that. That’s what I thought and stopped singing.  (You can listen to my voice here.)

Wow!

I thought if a child or anyone else who can sing well were walking down a street singing, no one would care. They might think it’s cute with the child. They might enjoy hearing the adult sing. I shared these thoughts with my husband, and he said I think this way because of my upbringing with so much judgment. He’s right. The child in me wants to coward down and be invisible to avoid any trouble.

When I’ve sung on stage, I lacked confidence. I was terrified I’d forget the words and worried I wasn’t in key. I couldn’t let go and be myself because I was too focused on being judged. As a child, I found my peace going into the woods to sing or practice my trumpet.

I was an intelligent and creative kid who absorbed everything. The words thrown at me got sucked into my subconscious mind as being truth, and that’s what became my operating system. It was an operating system made from someone else’s insecurity and pain. Regardless, whatever our subconscious mind believes becomes who we are.

Knowing this, I had to figure out how to change my subconscious mind. It’s been a long journey, and I can’t say I’ve fully updated the program to the best version yet, but it’s getting pretty close. At least now, I am aware of my thoughts and actions. Years ago, I was even more in the dark, and I did and said things like a well-played puppet.

Would you believe that when I was a teenager, I could not look at myself in the mirror or store window? I couldn’t. I didn’t want to see my reflection. It would reinforce the hatred I had for myself. I mean, there I was a kid who just wanted to be me and a lot of people had a problem with that and made it known every chance they got.

Now I look at myself in the mirror and smile. I love who I see. I matter. I know I am special. And I am here doing this blog to show we can heal and change. So don’t ever give up!

The process of truly healing past pain involves feeling the pain and allowing yourself time to grieve. You are grieving an old life. That is sad, and it’s okay to cry it out. Crying out releases the power and energy it has over us. It’s like slowly emptying the air from a balloon. Hearing that high-pitched sound causes pain in our ears, but when the air is out, the job is done.

To grow up means to show up.

We show up for our present selves by living the life we choose. That may involve taking action (walking to lose weight, talking to your partner about your feelings to make the relationship closer, sticking up for yourself and honoring yourself by taking good care of your body, starting that business, or whatever you want) to show yourself you do matter!

As adults, we must honor our inner child and protect who we are. Honor yourself. Show up for yourself. Believe in yourself.

The more we act like adults and create healthy boundaries, have better self-talk, and take better care of our bodies, the more we grow, are happier, and are at peace with ourselves.

Thank you for reading. I sincerely hope I’ve given you some good food for thought.

To stopping the tsk tsk,

Francesca

 

Created by a human for humans.

 

© 2024 FrancescaME | All rights reserved.