This idea came to me while putting dishes away. I thought about how there is not a single person alive who does not need help in some form.

Think about this.

The person who does not like to ask for help believes deep down that they are not worthy of help. However, because they can’t ask for help, they’ll do things themselves. Then resentment sets in, and eventually, the help they need doesn’t come from a person lending a hand. It comes from a plate of goodies, a bottle, a pill, gossiping, excessive shopping, or some other vice used to help quell the negative feelings. It’s help, though, right?

Why is it so difficult for some people to ask for help?  I know it has been for me. I’d take on more than I should (or needed to) just because I didn’t want to ask for help. That’s because I learned from a young age that I was the helper, not the one who receives it.

Until we learn to love ourselves and deem ourselves worthy of help, we won’t believe we deserve it.

Therefore, it wasn’t easy to ask for help and be okay with someone helping. I was one of those folks who always needed to pay for the help, if not in money, then in gifts, goods, or help in some exchange. I couldn’t just be happy getting help. No, I felt guilty for it.

That is sad, and thankfully, not the case anymore. Whew, I am so thankful to have learned the lesson that I am worthy of asking for and receiving help, without needing to pay back the kindness or concern.

We Like to Help

Most people like to help if asked nicely. However, if asking for help or favors becomes excessive, it shows a lack of respect. This lack of respect is shown first by the helper toward themselves for not being assertive and for putting an end to being used, and then by the repeat offender who asks for help. Those of us who genuinely like to help others, like me, can get misjudged as pushovers or as trying to get something in return, when in fact it may be as simple as being a good soul with the ability, time, and energy to help someone else.

I’ve had a lot of jobs. The reason is that I could not stand the way I was treated and moved on from them. Why? Because it is my nature to be a helper. What happens when you show that to employers? They want more. They don’t listen to requests (like for a schedule) or care that they are overworking someone. However, I can’t blame the employers or coworkers. It was up to me to stand up for myself. Instead, my helpful nature showed them I could handle more and more, and so they gave me more and more – until it was too much and I had to walk away.

 

Where We Need Help

Each one of us needs help. From knowing how to do something to getting something off a shelf, there’s always a reason why someone could use an extra set of eyes, another hand, or a different perspective. Even the Beatles sang about needing help.

If we can’t ask for help, we are cheating ourselves out of something valuable – time. How much easier would something be if you ask for help? How much time would you save if you got help for something you didn’t know anything about?

Look around your life and see where you need help and aren’t asking for it. This could make the different between making your life easier or more difficult than it has to be.

It’s really okay to ask for help. No one worthwhile is going to judge you for needing it.

 

Where Could We Use More Help?

You can figure out where you need more help with the things that cause you pain. That could be cleaning your house, raking the leaves, or mowing the lawn if it causes you physical pain.

Likewise, if you feel like your life is drowning you in negative thoughts, you may benefit from talking to a therapist for help to change your thinking.

If you feel stressed out and overworked, the pain you feel can be alleviated by asking for help with whatever is causing you the issues.

 

What if You Think There’s No One To Help

I used to think this way and still do at times, but I’ve learned that where there’s a will, there’s a way. And this is true if you need help. Like, if you’re in a job you feel overburdened by, talk to your manager or supervisor. If you don’t get anywhere with them, talk to co-workers and ask what they do for help.

If you’re alone and feel like there’s no one to ask for help, reach out to someone. Even calling HelpLine in your location or even churches may offer help.

 

Watch How Much and How You Ask for Help

We can’t lean on people too much, though; we have to take responsibility for our lives, too.  If you are only asking for help and never offering to help, that creates a problem. What happens is that the person providing the help will get fed up and stop helping if there is no reciprocation.

Relationships, at least healthy ones, are a two-way street. You help me. I help you. There is no other way. Otherwise, the relationship is off balanced where one person feels used, unappreciated, and disrespected.

I hope this post opens your mind up to what help can do for us. We can all use help in our lives, but there’s a balance with it.  Thank you for reading this. Please comment if you have any other ideas about getting or receiving help.

To help,

 

Francesca

 

Written by a human for humans.

© 2025 FrancescaME | All rights reserved.

 

FrancescaME is not a therapist or doctor, and any information shared is from research and personal experience. If you feel that you need more help, please consult a mental health therapist. If you are in a crisis, call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (Languages: English, Spanish -Available 24 hours)

NO PERMISSION FOR AI TRAINING: Any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models.