Everyone makes mistakes. Some regret them to the degree that they allow them to haunt their present moments. I know because I did that. When we allow past mistakes to hold us back, keep us stuck, and make us feel not good enough, we are no longer living in the present.

Mistakes are a part of living life.

That’s how we learn and evolve. If you think about it, if no one made mistakes, first, life would be boring, but no one would grow. Mistakes are like the energy source that makes new leaves on plants. They are necessary for growth.

Those who were told they were doing something wrong by caretakers, family, teachers, friends or even in a church, are going to grow up fearful of making mistakes. It’s no wonder that as adults, we nitpick everything we’ve done wrong and continue to beat ourselves up when we make mistakes now. I know it’s a horrible way to exist because I lived like that until I learned to stop it.

Adults who impart criticism and pessimism on their children often do so because that’s what they learned from their parents, other adults, and even other children. Until we recognize the toxicity of this, we won’t be able to move past it in our lives.

It took many years of self-work to see my part in passing down the criticism “gene” to my daughter. That’s what I knew, and I didn’t know any better. Now, with my daughter a fully grown adult, I regret so many things I said or did and used to beat myself up for the mistakes I made raising her. I was doing what I learned, and until I learned something different, nothing changed.

Thankfully, I learned a lot and now understand how being asleep in our lives does nothing good.

Mistakes happen because we don’t know any better.

We learn as we go through life. We can’t know everything, and anyone who expects us to is causing us unnecessary harm. How do we learn how to speak well to others? By learning the way to do it, which may involve making mistakes. If we pay attention more, we can figure out almost anything.

Mistakes happen when we aren’t fully present in the moment.

That knife that cuts you when you’re chopping onions is because you weren’t paying enough attention. The fall you took is most likely because you weren’t looking where you were walking or going too fast. When we get hurt or make a mistake, it usually can be traced back to not being in the present moment and not caring enough about ourselves to pay more attention to the good of our well-being.

Mistakes happen when we don’t like ourselves.

People who don’t like themselves often don’t care if they hurt themselves while working with a tool. They expect bad things to happen to them. How sad. Their mistakes often stem from the beliefs they inherited from their upbringing. That’s where beliefs come from, and that can lead us to believe we’re not good enough, aren’t worthy enough, so why bother to care about ourselves? I’m here to tell you that that is wrong. We deserve better.

We need to learn on our own.

Our minds are like sponges, absorbing everything around us. If we are constantly exposed to negative people and entertainment, we are more likely to think negatively. Also, being reminded of our mistakes can lower self-esteem. The parent who only wants what they think is best for their offspring might reinforce mistakes they’ve made. To avoid that, which causes anger and resentment, we need to talk to one another and express our feelings about how being called out on our mistakes makes us feel. We’re all doing the best we know how, and we have to live our lives and learn on our own. That’s when change happens. Someone telling us what to do or not to do doesn’t help us be more confident in our choices.

Parents need to let their young adult or adult children make their decisions that will make them happy, rather than focusing on the most practical decisions for them. When we get to choose for ourselves, we also get to learn if things don’t work out. This makes us smarter and stronger.

We’re going to make mistakes, and that’s okay! We need to stop beating ourselves up over them and move on, having learned a lesson from the experience. That’s the healthy thing to do.

Let’s live and not be afraid of making mistakes. That only puts more pressure on ourselves to be perfect, and there is no such thing as a perfect human being. We are ALL flawed and make mistakes. Once we realize that, we’ll be on our way to a happier life.

Thank you for reading this. I hope this advice helps. It was a long journey to believe this, but I understand now and feel a lot better because of it.

To being human,

Francesca

 

 

Created by a human for humans.

 

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