I have been living, but having recurring brief encounters with the past. I get reminded of something painful that happened in the past, and I’d feel the pain again. I’d say that is not thriving at all.

Like peeling an onion, the way to a healthy mind is to go through the layers. Healing is a process that takes time to show results, just like waiting for a broken bone to heal; healing from a trauma occurs when we allow it to. And by the way, we can get traumatized in all different ways. It could be the way someone spoke to you and made you feel less than or inadequate. That’s trauma, too.  If it hurts us, it’s trauma.

The Mind Machine

Our minds are incredible. We can think rationally or not. Ideally, in a perfect world, everyone would be rational, and we’d all get along swell. But that’s not how human beings want to live. We love a challenge, something new, change, even if we say we don’t like it. With that comes the opportunity for pain.

We’re all doing the best we can in life. The feelings vary from one to the next, but we all feel. That’s the way our mind works. Sometimes the mind sees fit to block any memories, and we never think about anything that hurt us.  One might say that’s the way to go, right?

Maybe. I’m not 100% percent sure. What I know, for me, is that I could not run away, shop away, or get distracted enough to not think of what hurt me. That’s me, though. I’m a thinker.  Sometimes, an overthinker.

I knew I was only surviving, not thriving. I felt trapped like an animal in a cage on display. There was always someone ready to make a crude comment to me. I never saw most of the jabs coming, as that is the furthest thing from my mind. I think of being a decent human being and respecting others’ feelings. That is who I am.

When we are thriving, we know it. Our shoulders drop down from their “at attention” position. We breathe deeper. We find ourselves with a slight grin when thinking about something good. We’re in the zone of life. Whoo-hoo!

 

Are we there?

I write these blog posts to show something real. I went through a lot and faced it. That was tough. I did it to be well, healed, and happy. I could not help but pay attention to myself. We are the only ones we’ve got when you think about it. Who is with us 24/7? Ourselves.

It is vital that we pay attention to ourselves to heal. I know some folks don’t care about evolving, let alone thriving. Sadly enough, though, those are the ones who cause the most of our pain because they are in pain.

 

To thrive, sometimes we have to walk away from relationships that hurt us. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, and if that is absent, one person is being disrespected. Disrespect hurts. It tells a person they are not worthy to be treated with respect.

Once we learn to love ourselves and cherish who we are, we will never allow anyone to disrespect us again. And that’s when relationships fall apart. At times, for the better.

Most of us are good at surviving. We live our lives in that pocket of the status quo because it’s safe. Human beings do not like to feel uncomfortable. We cherish comfort. And more and more it seems. Many of us have stopped striving.

 

What Once Was

If you think about yesteryear, from the 1800s to the 1960s, most people, even the poor, made an effort to thrive (especially in the way most people presented themselves with their appearance) I would imagine even the slaves attending a religious service would even out their hair and put on their “Sunday best,” which was probably not much, while they prayed for better days. They cared enough about themselves to dream of better days but aimed to live the life they wanted, even if only for an hour on Sunday morning. They respected civilization, even though they lived in horrible conditions. Where was the comfort there to not just want to survive, but find a way to thrive?

As a society, we’re getting more relaxed. (Men used to wear suits to sporting events back in the day, and women made an effort to look put together most of the time.) We’ve taken on a blaming lifestyle that says, “You’re responsible for what I do, but I don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone.” Right? I don’t get how a person could go shopping in pajamas and slippers. That is the ultimate form of disrespect toward ourselves and of barely surviving.

 

What Is Now

Today, there seems to be a reliance on medication* to fix problems that many of us could address with more effort. Why put in the effort when an easier way is possible? Easier, yes. Healthier, not always.

I overheard someone talking about teenage girls who cut themselves needing antidepressants, and that was the only way for them to be okay. In my head, I thought, why don’t you try first asking them what is hurting them so badly that they would want to harm themselves?

Based on my history, that would have been helpful. And though I have never been on any antidepressants, I have taken anti-anxiety drugs when I needed them and had cognitive therapy from professionals. We’re only human, and if we need help, then we owe it to ourselves to get it.

 

How You Thrive

Make a mental note of this – we thrive when we allow ourselves to feel alive. What I mean is that by acknowledging who we are and appreciating that person, we thrive.

If we pay more attention to what we want out of life, we get to know ourselves better. And getting closer to ourselves and caring about our lives are forms of self-respect.

Just take clues from your body. If you feel wiped out or lethargic, find out why. Don’t just mask it with caffeine. I used to do that, and it gave me acid reflux and anxiety.  Now I drink one cup of decaf in the morning and am super sensitive to caffeine. If I drink a Coke at three in the afternoon, I’m bouncing around at midnight.

We thrive by paying more attention to ourselves.

Check in with yourself at least once a day.

How are you feeling?

Is there something bothering you?

How can you make it better?

Are you willing to have some discomfort to change what bothers you?

Is there something you can do to make you feel better that doesn’t involve something that could potentially harm you?

And if you’re relying on something to survive that could potentially harm you in some way, why are you doing it? Being honest with yourself is the only way to change.

 

Asking those questions will align you with where you’re meant to be. And in that place, we thrive.

Thank you for reading this. If you have something to add to this, I’d love to read it.

To thriving,

Francesca

 

* I am suggesting that there are ailments or diseases that can be cured by taking action, like reducing knee pain by losing weight.  I am not suggesting that no one needs medication. It is a case-by-case situation.

 

 

Written by a human for humans.

© 2026 FrancescaME | All rights reserved.

NO AI TRAINING: Any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models.

 

DISCLAIMER: FrancescaME is not a therapist or doctor, and any information shared is from personal experience, learning, and research.

If you’re suffering, please consult a mental health therapist for help. Just as our bodies need to see a doctor when we’re not well, our minds need care, too.

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