I saw this reel on YouTube from Shelly @fabulous50s, a woman around my age who asked women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond to share what makes them special and unique, to help others gain from their skills, ideas, and wisdom on social media. She said that younger people in their 20s and 30s are good at sharing themselves. She added that older women are more hesitant to share their personal stories.

When Shelly said, “We were taught to be seen and not heard,” that made me pause and think about it.

I fit into the group that kept most of my thoughts and feelings close to the vest. I did that up until a few years ago, when I couldn’t take the hiding anymore and decided to share my life on this blog. Was it because I wanted attention? Yes. I needed to be seen for who I am. In fact, one of my blog post titles was “I Want You to See Me.”

Why did I do that? Because I was living a small, quiet life, hiding my true self while working in secrecy towards my goals, mostly to avoid judgment and criticism.

Most of those who interacted with me had no real sense of who they were dealing with because I didn’t share what I was doing, and it pissed me off. And when I got angry enough about it, I had to do something to change that. So, I moved out of my comfort zone and shared what I thought would be beneficial to others who may have gone through similar circumstances and needed some inspiration to make changes in their own lives.

Besides, who else was going to share my life but me?

The point of this post is that no one is going to share who we are as well as we could do ourselves. Yes, some people may think they know us, but if we don’t share who we are, misinformation or falsehoods can spread due to ignorance, and then we may feel the need to defend ourselves. Although we may not owe anyone an explanation for our lives, if someone or something is important enough, sharing can help clarify and set the record straight. However, some folks don’t care to get us, and we need to make peace with that truth.

Healing

When someone chooses to share their story, it’s usually not meant to hurt anyone else, but rather a way to heal themselves and release it from their system. You know how you feel when you vent. You feel better afterward.

Have I overshared with my life experiences and past trauma in my blog posts? Maybe. But it was my story to tell, and because it continued to hurt me, I needed to face it to release the pain. We are all struggling with something, whether we choose to believe that or not.

To heal and move on, we need to release it—to share what’s burdening us. If we continue to deny and avoid feeling the painful parts within us, then we are living a life that is a shell of its true potential. That’s when we work on maintaining appearances so that we protect ourselves from any more opportunities to hurt us.

Being our authentic selves allows us to feel freer. The goal of life is not to live to make others happy. It’s to make ourselves happy, regardless of who is bothered by it. (I’m not referring to things that are against the law or harmful to others.)

We may lose people along the way who don’t like who we are, and that is okay. The right people will show up who respect and appreciate our authentic selves, who align with us, on the same level. You know who those people are when you are around them because you feel good, positive, and relaxed. You don’t feel the need to watch what you say and do, or fear judgment or criticism. You are happy being yourself. That’s freedom.

 

Shame

Sharing our story is a way for us to unpack the issues that keep us stuck in an unhappy life. Others may embrace our honesty or run from it, but that shouldn’t be a factor in deciding whether to share ourselves with others. We attract true respect when we respect ourselves.

Shame is a profoundly unpleasant feeling, and many of us live with it. I did and still do, but to a smaller degree. It can be stifling, though, and cause us to believe we are flawed in some way and not worthy of what we truly desire in life. It keeps us questioning our self-worth, where we feel less than someone else who we think is doing better in life. That’s probably not the case, because others may also feel that sense of shame and have a need to protect themselves, only showing what they want to be seen. They don’t share the shame; they hide it.

 

Blame

Oh boy, blame is a big deal for those who can’t or won’t share themselves because they blame the world for their unhappiness or misery. Everyone and everything is responsible for their problems.

Those are the individuals who carry the heavy burden of relying on others to control their happiness. So-and-so did that to me, so I’m stuck here, and look at my life now.  Been there and done that. But guess what? That serves no one well.

As adults, we have to take personal responsibility for our lives and our happiness. Of course, the deeper the levels of pain, the longer it may take to distinguish how much we blame others or situations and how we have relinquished control over our lives.

Taking a step back to heal ourselves is necessary to overcome the tendency to blame others for our troubles. Sharing our pain can help. * You can’t heal a broken bone properly without a cast, and you can’t heal a broken life without support.

 

Embrace Differences

We all process thoughts differently. Others may not be able to understand how our experiences affected us, and that is perfectly okay. Each of us processes life differently with varying levels of sensitivity.

Anyone who tells someone they need to stop being so sensitive is absolutely wrong and can be harmful to that person. It’s essentially saying that you’re flawed the way you are, and you don’t deserve to be who you are. How frigging awful. And you wonder why people don’t share themselves with others?

People are complicated for sure. Until we recognize the need to be kinder and more open to the struggles of others, we’ll never reach our full potential as higher-thinking beings, and we will not achieve collective happiness.

And no, I’m not suggesting or believing we need to live in a Utopian society based upon a perfect living situation. That idea has me conjuring up zombies walking around, saying hello to one another with a plastered smile on, not knowing which way is up or down. What I’m proposing is that we learn to respect ourselves and others for whoever we are and live according to the universal laws, such as the Ten Commandments or the Golden Rule. It’s so simple yet lost on some folks, and I will guess those are the ones in the most pain.

 

Relationships

Personal happiness and well-being are important for having healthy relationships (with ourselves and others). Harming another is often a result of being unable to share thoughts and feelings.

For example, if you’re in a marriage where you’re unhappy, instead of dragging it out and hurting others with your silence because you’re unable to share your feelings, consider the others involved and make a decision to either work on the relationship honestly or leave it. Either way, you’re sparing others pain. Sadly, there are too many relationships that are not meant to be, bringing harm to others. Then people feel miserable, blame others, carry shame, and won’t share the truth for fear of losing a relationship.

Look, I’ve been there. I left a marriage with a toddler. I was terrified to do it, but I knew it was the best decision for myself and my daughter. Fear of the unknown didn’t stop me, because the alternative —staying —was much worse for everyone involved. I shared my feelings and moved on.

We don’t have to shout out to the world about who we are, but we certainly have a responsibility to those we love and care about to share our thoughts and feelings with them so they can get to know us. That’s a requirement for healthy relationships.

Sharing who we are with those around us helps us have more meaningful relationships, starting with ourselves. Thank you for reading this. I hope I’ve offered something worth thinking about.

To sharing,

Francesca

 

 

 

* If you are feeling depressed, calling or texting 988 offers a way to talk to someone. I am not a mental health professional, but I am sharing my experience and knowledge, gained from working with therapists, reading and researching the subject matter of healing your life, and learned from personal growth experts and professionals. I hold a B.A. in Philosophy and an M.A. in Communication, and I have invested considerable effort in my personal growth to achieve happiness and greater life satisfaction.

 

 

Written by a human for humans.

© 2025 FrancescaME | All rights reserved.

NO PERMISSION FOR AI TRAINING: Any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models.