The inspiration for this post came to me from a guy at the grocery store who handled the store carts. I’ve seen him many times before, but yesterday I had my first interaction with him. I said hello as he was pushing a cart into the cart corral.  He mumbled something about birds and looked up at the roof covering the sidewalk. I looked up, too, but didn’t see any birds.

After (you know my curious mind), I wondered if he had done this a long time ago or retired from a stressful career and wanted a part-time, easy job to get out of the house and earn extra spending money.  And then this idea came to me.

As a middle-aged person, I can attest that for many years, I was not the one guiding my life. The path I chose as a young adult was not one I had envisioned, but rather one that another person told me I was meant to be on.  It felt like I had no control over my destiny and just went along for the ride because it was too difficult to fight it. I didn’t have the mindset to believe I deserved better.

How many of us, a little older and more mature, can confidently say only our voice was in our heads when we chose our profession?

Who Chose Our Profession?

Many parents, who may be well-intentioned, want to mold their children into what they deem best. I believe there are many unhappy doctors and lawyers out there who followed their parents’ dreams instead of their own. I can speak from my experience as a parent that I wanted my daughter to follow her path as a young adult, except when she wanted to study in Scotland. I didn’t have the money to make that dream come true at the time, and I would’ve missed her way too much.

But for some, parental influences overpowered their voice and life path. Kids seek parental approval for their decisions. We all want to feel the love and approval from a parent. Those who have developed a strong belief that their actions are the right choice are less likely to be swayed by a parent’s opinion. Those are ones raised to think independently without any negative backlash. They were praised, supported, and told they could do anything they set their mind to.

An Independent Mindset.

We require an independent mindset to live the life we choose.

Ideologies are passed down through generations, often without our realizing it. If your ancestors came from another place, like Europe, during a time of strife and trauma, it’s natural that they’d want to flee and come to a new country to start a better life. It would explain how the aspirations of parents, cloaked as well-meaning advice to their children, can lead their offspring down a path that was their dream, not their child’s. I think many parents are proud to share how their son or daughter is doing well in a great profession. They may not know how happy their children are doing it, but they can certainly take pride in the job details.

Looking back at my past jobs, I realize that every single one was only about the money. They did not offer my soul anything. As the years went by quickly, I found myself increasingly disturbed that I was not earning a living doing what I wanted to do.  I was fighting an uphill battle against repeated messages of what I was supposed to do versus listening to my instincts. My voice was not loud enough.

Thinking For One.

Can we honestly acknowledge our lives now and say that it’s a result of our thoughts and not influenced by anyone else?

It took me a long time to get to this mindset I have now, where I am the one calling the shots in my life.  I had to go through a lot to strip away all the advice (maybe well-intentioned) that led me down the wrong roads over and over again. It’s been a hollow existence where I felt like I was in a place in time, but my heart was somewhere else.

I believe I’ve successfully merged the two, where I live intentionally in alignment with what I want to do, and I’ve faith that the money will follow.

We can only fool ourselves for so long. Unhappiness in a job will show up as an illness or an injury where you have to take time off, being habitually late for work, doing the job half-heartedly and not caring either way, or using coping mechanisms to get by (like drinking too much alcohol, taking drugs to suppress the thoughts, shopping for the distraction and high, or eating poorly as a way to punish yourself for where you ended up.) That is no way to live.

If there is a part of you, even if it’s a tiny little voice you can barely hear, that is trying to get your attention to change your life because you’re unhappy, listen to yourself. It may be tough and challenging to undo what’s been ingrained in our minds for so long, but through new thoughts, actions, and the repetition of good habits, we can change for the better.

How To Help Ourselves.

I’m sharing what works for me, but feel free to do what resonates with you. We all need to do what’s right for us. I’m only offering suggestions. I know that the many books I’ve read on personal growth and development, as well as the YouTube videos I’ve absorbed on self-improvement, have all influenced me in some way, but I chose the actions that feel right for me. So, you do you, and be strong in your decisions.

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                My Helpers

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Shut out the noise. That means walking away from situations and people that do not feel right. The more time spent in those experiences, the more challenging it may be to replace your voice with others, but with time and patience, it can be achieved.

Pay closer attention to what we think about ourselves. Listen to our thoughts. Are they positive or negative? Catch negative thoughts and stop them. Then replace those thoughts with something positive. For me, if I catch myself thinking something negative, I stop the thought and focus on something I did right. It could be anything and doesn’t have to coincide with the negative thought. Simply replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can help change your mindset.

Let the mirror become your best friend. Look in the mirror every day and smile at your reflection. Tell yourself, “Hi, I’m going to create a great day because I deserve it,” or whatever makes you happier to think about. If you find yourself getting down on your life, the choices you’ve made, or how you feel about yourself, greet your reflection and work it out. Treat yourself like you would a good friend. Respect yourself and your wishes above others’ mandates for you. Looking into our eyes helps us see into our souls, our authentic selves. If you have a big decision to make, check in with yourself first. Look yourself in the eyes and ask what to do.

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Thank you for reading this. I appreciate your time. I want us all to live how we choose and be happy. Please leave a comment if this has sparked your thoughts.

To helping ourselves,

Francesca

 

 

Created by a human for humans.

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