My husband and I went to see a friend’s band play live on an outdoor deck at a bar/restaurant. Before we got there, rain had hit hard, and all the tables not under a roof got soaked. We found two dry seats in an upstairs area that was partially covered. We couldn’t see the band well, but we heard them.

It was terribly hot and humid. When it began to rain again, I welcomed the cool mist. Then the wind picked up, and yep, the torrential rains came. The roof did nothing to protect us from the soaking water, and the other people around us on the second level decided to find shelter fast. So, we followed suit.

Now, we all know that rain on a painted wooden deck and steps is ultra slippery, so I was taking my time, especially given my ankle injury years ago. A young woman was screaming—and I mean screaming—like the chainsaw guy was after her. She came up from behind me, screaming, “Move faster!” I did not.

Thinking about what to write today, I saw that young woman in my mind, and her screaming fit because she was getting wet. Maybe she was related to the Wicked Witch of the West who said, “I’m melting!” when hit with water.

Whatever the reason, she was having a time, and it led me to write this post.

Why are we actors?

As a little kid, I learned fast that I couldn’t be my authentic self. I felt I was flawed and awful from the information I absorbed back then. Was it true? No. But I internalized the negative messages and had to become an actor to protect myself from more harm. Being real here, as a little girl, it seemed that everywhere I went, there was someone who had an issue with me. At school, I talked too much. Home, I didn’t answer quickly enough, or I wasn’t smiling. Neighbor kids, I wasn’t good enough to play sports. Friends, I liked different things. I learned to be an actor to protect myself.

As an actor, I got to be whoever I wanted. In third grade, I wore my brother’s prescription glasses to school (I couldn’t see well out of them) to show a boy who wore glasses that I was just as cool as him. (Apparently, I thought wearing glasses was cool.) He couldn’t care less, but I put on my finest I-could-see-out-of-these-glasses role. I think I got busted by the teacher and never did that again.

I learned to be quiet and compliant. I’d anticipate what someone needed so that I couldn’t be scolded, mocked, or beaten down. The new acting role I chose was that of the people pleaser. I had that role for many years, and I have to say it wasn’t fun. I was terrified of rejection, criticism, and judgment. As an adult, the acting continued by making sure I kept a nice home and yard (even though I didn’t enjoy doing it), was generous and kind to the degree of putting others ahead of myself (even ones who disrespected me or thought they could buy my acceptance of their behavior). I couldn’t get others out of my head and kept up the acting roles to avoid more pain.

 

Who are the players?

I think we all know the players. They are the people who skate through life, getting precisely what they want, sometimes at the expense of others. They appear to live well and set a higher standard for themselves. They could be actors, too, but most focus on what they want and need and can’t see anyone else. They were most likely taught at a very young age that they mattered more and deserved whatever they wanted, and to always put themselves first.

We’re all actors and players in different ways. Somewhere along the line in our lives, we learned to stop trusting ourselves and took on acting roles to serve our needs. I didn’t realize how much this affected my life and happiness until these last few years, when I’ve been working overtime to change my mindset and my life. I’m writing these posts to share what I’ve learned that has helped me.

I kept up the acting role, the one where I played the quiet, misguided, unsuccessful woman for way too long, while my authentic self only came out on certain occasions (while with my husband, working alone, or seeing a band play). I learned to stop trusting myself at a very young age, and what I did for protection seemed very necessary. However, I’m an adult and learned it’s okay to be myself. Now, I know I’m enough.

We control our destiny.

We don’t need to blame anyone for who we are. We take on these roles based on our past, but instead of blaming, we could use that energy to change ourselves. Where does blaming get us? It’s not productive. Learn and move on to what brings you happiness instead of being tethered to the past we cannot change. Oh, I know it’s difficult to make these changes, but we can do it.

That young woman screaming for her life in the rain was acting out a role—the damsel in distress. She was screaming out for attention and probably did it other times. Panic is a knee-jerk reaction aimed at protecting us, but it doesn’t serve us well. Being calm is really a superpower.

I could’ve yelled out, too, getting pelted with a ton of water and forceful wind, but I kept a cool head, walked cautiously, and it wasn’t a big deal to get wet. Lightning is another story, but I could handle the rain and wind. Our minds can do anything. Seriously, anything. We just need to think about it.

So, to wrap this up, embrace who you are. There’s no one else like you. You have unique talents and experiences that make you you. Instead of being actors or players, let’s just be ourselves. I believe the world would be a much better place if we did.

Thank you for reading this. In the comments, let me know if you ever feel like an actor or a player.

To Actors and Players,

Francesca

 

Created by a human for humans.

 

© 2024 FrancescaME | All rights reserved.