We’ve all interacted with that person who says whatever they’re thinking (without giving it a second thought). This is the person who blurts out whatever is on their mind. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s funny. But some of it can be hurtful and harmful.

During my lifetime, I have encountered people who are outspoken. I’ve been the quieter one who listens, takes life in, and treats people with kindness and respect – even those who may not have deserved it. As a child, teenager, and adult, I have faced countless experiences where people expressed their thoughts without considering the feelings of others, and words can be hurtful.

I wondered why some people find it difficult to keep their mouths shut instead of expressing every opinion, criticism, or thought. Do you think it makes people feel better about themselves to say whatever comes to mind without regard for how it makes others feel?

I’ve been just the opposite. I always try to think before I speak. I have good manners and never want to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings because I know what it feels like to be hurt by another person’s thoughtless words.

Some folks aren’t even aware that their words hurt and would want to know that what they said was not okay and was hurtful.

They do it on television, so it must be okay.

Sitcom writers seem to like the “say whatever they think” characters. “Will and Grace” comes to mind with a character named Karen, a wealthy, bored housewife with a snappy personality, who becomes Grace’s assistant. Grace was an interior designer, and Karen constantly blurted out hurtful comments to Grace, like she was not attractive or that her clothes were pitiful. The other main characters on the show, Will and Jack, two gay friends were always poking fun at one another. In real life, those types of interactions would be hurtful, but sitcoms could get away with it because it’s not “real.” But what does it say about us that we find it amusing and return for more, watching the shows? I laughed at some of the comedy skits, but I would never do that to someone in real life.

We can convey our points more effectively by thinking before we speak and being kinder. For example, if you notice someone close to you has gained weight. Instead of poking fun at them and saying, “Boy, you got fat!” Try the approach to show concern with words like, “How are you doing? Is everything alright?” Someone could be overweight because of a medical condition or be on a pharmaceutical drug that causes weight gain, and they might be feeling bad about themselves or be under a lot of stress. Saying whatever we’re thinking can really hurt someone’s feelings. We can’t assume that someone is overweight because they’re lazy or like to eat too much; that may not be the truth.

Let’s be decent people.

We all have feelings and deserve to be spoken to with kindness and respect.

First, let those who offend us know that what they say is not okay. If we get an “Oh, I’m so sorry,” that’s good. The conversation shifts from being tense to being fine. We may also attract those who defend themselves and make it appear as though it’s our fault by speaking up. I’m sure you’ve encountered this situation when you nicely call someone out on their hurtful behavior or words, and you get a headache from the debate about how you’re too sensitive and that it was just a joke.

My question to that is, “How would you feel if it were done to you?”

If we could answer that question with honesty, I’m sure we would speak kinder words.

I’m not proposing we keep our mouths shut and not say anything we think. There’s a balance to everything in life, especially in how we communicate with one another. If there’s a need to be assertive and speak your mind because something unjust was said or done to you, then by all means, say what’s on your mind. We can do that respectfully.

We don’t need to blurt out every single thought we’re thinking. No one wants to hear that. Keep some things private for your head only. It will do everyone a big favor.

Thank you for reading this. Please let me know in the comments if you find it bothersome when someone tells it like it is.

To choosing our words,

Francesca

 

Written by a human for humans.

© 2025 Francesca M.E.