What Is Love?

July 9, 2025July 10, 2025FrancescaConnections

As soon as I thought of a title, the song from the movie A Night at the Roxbury came to mind. It started as a skit on Saturday Night Live. If you know this, I’m sure you’re smiling now and maybe tipping your head to the song in your head. Here is the song “What Is Love” by Haddaway.

The reason for this blog today is to write what I think love is. I used to cut out the Love Is cartoons from the newspaper when I was younger.

I thought the sentiments in the simplistic cartoon showed what it means to love another. Even though I understood what love meant at a young age, I wasn’t able to give it to myself. I gave it away freely to others, which led me into hurtful situations. You’d think I’d learn fast not to do that, but loving seems to be the core of my being, much to my chagrin.

What Love Is Not

Before I tell you what I believe love is, it may be easier to show you what love is not.

Love is not being in a relationship for selfish reasons.

Love is not manipulating someone to get what you want.

Love does not exist in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship, no matter how many times a person says, “I love you.”

That’s the funny thing about love. People think that all we have to do is say the words, “I love you,” and that shows our love. It can make someone feel good to hear those words, but until they really show it through their actions, the words essentially mean nothing.

So, What is Love?

Love is the ability to come out of yourself for the sake of another.

What do I mean by that?

When we truly love someone, we feel compassion and empathy toward them. We respect them and override our ego that wants to defend us and keep us on guard. We open a part of ourselves that is pure and innocent, wanting to show care and kindness. It’s ethereal. At least that’s how I feel it.

A sadly known fact is that those who can feel and show love are often the ones who get hurt the most. When we drop the barriers that protect our hearts from feeling pain and believe that someone else feels the same way, we’re giving away our control and trusting in another person. And I’m not just referring to romantic love. This can be familial love or between friends. Regardless of the relationship, there is a chance that if you can feel the way I wrote above, you might get used, abused, disrespected, or taken for granted. I’m not being negative when I write this; I’m basing my words on my experiences.

It’s Human Nature

I believe that human nature plays a significant role in the way people love and care for one another. If you’re predisposed to be selfish and think mainly of your needs, you will seek out one who has a pure heart that gives love freely. The bigger fish seeks out a smaller one to eat because they don’t put up much of a fight, and it’s an easier meal for them. I used the analogy to illustrate how selfish people will seek out kind, giving individuals because it’s easier to manipulate them to get what they want.

And the loving, kind person may not see it coming until it’s too late, and they are already deeply entrenched in the relationship, and that’s when human nature really comes into play. The giver wants to give, but the taker wants to take. The giver realizes this and wants to change the dynamics to a level playing field in the relationship by communicating their needs. This is not always met with kindness from the taker because their nature tends to want to be more in control.

For whatever reason, people don’t always reveal their true intentions upfront, which can lead others to misjudge their motives. Those who are innocent of any form of manipulation often get wrongly labeled because many people are primarily motivated by self-interest. Until we speak honestly to one another and express our feelings, we will not be able to come to a mutually satisfying understanding, and this human relationship dynamic of givers and takers will continue to plague our connections.

Loving Unconditionally

Most of us can tell when we’re loved unconditionally. I know I could. You feel it. You feel more comfortable around someone. There are no conditions in which love is given or received. There is no judgment of who we are.

We get this type of love from our pets. Even the abused pet will still show loyalty and love, hoping to be cared for. It’s the same with people. Even those who can love as I described and have been abused will still be kind and loving, hoping to be around people who genuinely care about them.

In my opinion, loving unconditionally is a lifelong responsibility to each other, and we cannot take people for granted and expect good results. It just doesn’t work that way. What we put into a relationship is what we get out of it. If we unintentionally hurt someone in a relationship, we need to take responsibility, apologize, and work through the pain together. That’s loving unconditionally.

Love Is Sometimes Letting Go

Love is taking someone else’s feeling into consideration before you do something that might make or break the relationship. If a relationship is not important to you, don’t let someone dangle and keep grasping for the carrot; talk to them and let them go with kindness. The truth can hurt, but we’ll all heal from heartache and be stronger and wiser as a result, and it’s better than never knowing.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope I have offered you something of value that enriches your life. That’s my reason for writing these blogs.

To loving well,

Francesca

Created by a human for humans.