In my opinion, based on years of experience, research, and observation, human beings, though complex with diverse personalities, can be broadly categorized into two types: those who are inclined to harm others and those who are not.

Think about any situation you’ve been in and strip away all personality traits, astrological signs of the person you’ve encountered, and see them for either a good person or not.

 

A Skewed Perception

Like domesticated dogs and cats, we can all determine who is a good human and who is not. If our minds are clouded by our upbringing, learned messages, biases, and perceptions acquired through friends, media, and other means, we’ll have a difficult time discerning good from bad people until we experience them for ourselves.

This is the situation where one person can sense that something is off with another person (such as they might harm someone, i.e., emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc.). Yet, everybody else thinks they’re wonderful-until that “wonderful” person shows their true colors and does something to prove what kind of human being they really are.  Then some get the aha moment.

When we can get to the bottom (from cleaning out the dysfunctional well), like I’m almost at, our minds become receptive to people.  We can spot the ones that will bring us harm, not in a paranoid, delusional way, but because we love and care for ourselves, allowing us to sense true danger. And then, going forward, once we’re in tune with ourselves, we’ll only allow those who can enrich our lives in a positive way to be a part of our lives.

Sure, we’ll all encounter those who try to harm us in some way throughout our lives, such as a nasty person, a disrespectful manager at work, or a bully. That’s just reality, but it’s how we respond that makes all the difference to ourselves.

 

Where It Began

Most, if not all, of mankind’s harmful actions are a result of childhood. Everything we are, do, and say now is connected to our lives from the time we were born, as our environment forms our brains and personalities. A child born into a loving, supportive, and communicative family is likely to have a very different approach to relationships than a child raised in a different environment.

There’s a meme I saw, “Hurt people hurt people.” I don’t agree with that completely. Yes, people who were subjected to pain growing up can indeed project that pain onto others. However, there are plenty of people who were hurt but would never hurt a soul. Why is that?

Is it As Simple As Good and Evil?

Is there some cosmic phenomenon that created good and evil for a reason? Would we be bored if we were all good, and kill ourselves if we were all evil? Is there really something to the idea of balance?

The yin and yang are the symbols of life: we need to accept that there is good and bad, right and wrong, joy and pain. It’s how we balance the two that creates what every human being strives for – peace of mind.

I’m not sure if there’s a physiological reason for the way our brains are wired, or if some people get gifted an extraordinary gift of empathy from a higher power. Still, those who were hurt, like me, would never intentionally hurt a soul. Sure, I will kill a spider or insect, but we’re talking people here.

I’ve been introspective since I can remember, and have been a kind human being despite all that I experienced. Basically, the ability to question my actions led me to be more attuned to how I treat others.

Likewise, those who have a natural tendency to bring harm to others must not be able to tap into their minds very well, because otherwise, they’d have to see themselves for who they are and how their actions affect others. Those who live with pain and project that pain upon others are not helping themselves; in fact, it’s just the opposite. Eventually, they will succumb to the pain, either with a physical ailment or some life-changing event.

How to Achieve Balance

Balance is achieved when we can recognize how we deal with life. Even decent and honest people still have to interact with those who are harmful. Balance comes with boundaries: those that protect us from allowing people to invade our peace and those that safeguard our minds from accepting harmful words or actions.

I’m not implying that we live in a fantasy world and pretend everything is wonderful, allowing people to be rude, mean, and hurtful. I’m saying to call out harmful people for their actions in a rational, assertive way and give them the pain back instead of taking it with us. Those who cause harm need to see the error of their ways and take responsibility for their actions to learn how to be better people.

Realize that our upbringing holds the answers to finding balance. Once we address what causes us pain, we can move on to heal. We can’t take a pill and expect everything to be wonderful. That is not balance. That is putting a tiny band-aid on a gushing wound. We need to face the truth. Only then can we truly find balance in life and live a happy life.

The best way is to talk about it or write it out. A skilled and qualified therapist can make a significant difference in our mental health. We don’t have to do it alone. Seeing and hearing the words illuminates the pain and allows us to feel it. Once our brains process it, we begin to heal. Healing opens our minds to what’s important to us, and we will naturally gravitate toward balance. At least that’s what happened to me.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoyed my words. These ideas come to me, and I have to write them out. I find healing in my words, and I hope you do too.

To the yin and yang,

Francesca

 

Written by a human for humans.

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