Years ago, I got my hair dyed red at a salon. I was blonde and thought changing my hair color would help me change my life. I felt stuck. I wanted to save myself from a stalled-out life, but the things I was doing to make it happen weren’t working fast enough. 

I learned from experts in the field of psychology and personal development that we are programmed since birth. Depending on the type of programmers who initiated the words and actions, a child grows up to either love themselves or not. As children, we have no control over our environment. We are stuck.

Like a dog who obeys, it won’t fight back when it gets hit by a caretaker. The dog will cower down because it’s programmed to obey. And we all know a dog, no matter what size, can do significant damage to our skin. A tiny dog bit me as a kid, and its teeth punctured through my pants and into my skin. Now, picture a big dog’s ability to defend itself.  You get the picture. No matter what a pet “owner” does to the animal, it would take a lot for a trained dog to fight back.  The dog would most likely show shame in its eyes, even if it hadn’t done anything wrong.

Can a dog who is trapped in its surroundings save itself? No. Not without help.

People are no different.

Our “training” began at birth. Great parents show love and offer tough love, striking the necessary balance for raising a child with good self-worth. Some are blessed with those types of parents, while others don’t know what they’re doing when it comes to raising little people. I was a nervous wreck as a new parent but I did the best I could to instill good self-esteem and self-worth in my daughter. I believe the measure of a good parent lies in their ability to be open to learning, being patient and kind to themselves and their offspring.

Kids learn every which way – from watching and listening. Our brains are sponges soaking up all sorts of information that surrounds us. And trauma, no matter what it is, sends a lot of negative stuff into the brain all at once. If it happens as a kid (and even beyond), we aren’t capable of processing trauma without help, so it gets pushed back into the mind’s recesses to keep quiet and not start trouble.

The human mind is incredible. Few take advantage of its ability to heal. Instead, we lead numb lives in which we placate our pain with things that distract us from it. I thought red hair would change my life into one where I was leading the charge.

Thankfully, now I know that the only way to happiness is to save ourselves. That means rolling up our sleeves, getting out the tissues, and digging down deep to reach that little child who keeps screaming for help, but you keep ignoring her. Though I am not a doctor or medical personnel and am not giving any medical advice, I do believe that a lot of illnesses are a direct result of ignoring our past pain.

As I already wrote, our minds are incredible. I had to write it again because I want to reinforce that, as much as we learned as kids, we can unlearn the wrong messaging and learn even better stuff as adults that will serve our lives better, make us feel better, and absolutely help us be happy. Isn’t that the life goal for most of us? I know it is for me.

How We Can Save Ourselves

• Distance yourself from those who hurt you.
• Take the necessary actions to make changes in your life. 
• Distance yourself from those who hurt you.
• Assume responsibility for your life. Learn what you need to learn. Keep evolving to be better than yesterday. 
• Distance yourself from those who hurt you.
• Focus on the life you want to live that makes you happy, and do those things! 
• Distance yourself from those who hurt you.
• Allow positive influences in your life (like people who respect you).
• Distance yourself from those who hurt you.
• Listen to your voice and be who you are, no matter what anyone else thinks.  
• And, of course, distance yourself from those who hurt you.

Look, I’m not implying to run away from everyone who hurts you and live a lonely, hermit-like existence. I’m referring to being around people you know hurt you. If you can’t get them to acknowledge how their actions have hurt you and make changes to stop doing that and show respect, then it may be time to move on. Until I learned how to love myself and believe that I am worth more than being subjected to disrespect and disregard, I couldn’t be free to be myself. I chose to save myself.

Save yourself. We all have the ability and right to live happy lives, but it’s up to us. We either want to grow and evolve, or we don’t, and that’s our choice. It’s important to note that only when we face our pain can we grow up into the version of ourselves we saw in ourselves as a wide-eyed kid who believed anything was possible.

To saving ourselves,

Francesca

Created by a human for humans.

2024 – Francesca M.E. – All Rights Reserved.

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